Results Day.

I'd sort of forgotten about results day. I only looked up when the date was after someone asked me. I know its important what type of degree you have, I mean a first in cartography still looks more impressive than a 3rd in business, it proves that went to the classes and everything.

The thing was I knew that I hadn't completely worked my arse off like you're supposed to. I mean I finished the 14,000 words of dissertation and I did spend about 3 hours in total revising for that exam, but I feel like the my motivation was gone about a week in. I knew that if I was going get a 2.1. without slaving away and that getting a first was a remote possibility that would require the donation of sweat and blood to the project.

So I made a choice, I chilled out about it all and got the 2.1 and I feel as though that was a mistake, but I won't bother complaining about it. Whats done is done, as the great cliches purvey. I'll think about truly regretting next time I invent a time machine.
Does it even matter what kind of degree you have?

We'll see.

Well if Ze Frank says so...

My university experience is pointless. Yuck.

The Tiny, Insignifant, Giant Problem.

Disclaimer: This post is not actually about giants, though I realise now it reads that way.

The degree I will hopefully have in July, is a BA in American Studies and Film Studies. I get only two reactions when I tell people that, which are either "what even is that?" or "what are you going to do with that?". These are both fair questions, which I didn't really ask myself when I chose to dedicate 4 years to it, but I was only 17 at the time.

American Studies is 'multi-disciplinary' (or so it says in the brochure), which is apparently great to talk about at job interviews. But the bottom line is that I have no recognisable skills. I can tell you a lot about 1950s suburban America or blag my way through a discussion about film theory but for the life of me I can't figure out Microsoft Excel anymore (though I will not be mentioning this in any job interviews, provided I get any).

The despicable truth is that I would not, at this point, be a very good employee.

I recently read David Foster Wallace's commencement speech from Kenyon College , which discussed the practicality and worth of a liberal arts degree. He argued that the value of this type of degree, is that you can escape your own mind as the centre of the universe:

"I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out."

Is it this kind of thinking that is going to dramatically effect my life?

We'll see...

Cartoon from www.nerf-herders-anonymous.net/Comics.html

Paper vs the Pixel

I've been trying to imagine what it would be like to have been in my position, say, 10 years ago. Back when the internet was fairly new and mobile phones weighed about 15lbs and had antenna. I would probably be using the postal service like a mofo, but instead I can access everything I need and contact whoever I want from the £20 desk and chair set from Argos which works as my home office.

While that is obviously a huge plus, because I am sincerely lazy and am trying to save on money, it also makes it a lot harder to express any personality in an application form or covering letter. Everything is so uniform, so standardised and since everything I've been working on I've copied from someone else, it results in pages of cliche.

I've always considered myself good with words and if I could write for a living I would. However, the reasonable person in me (its a dwarf, a half dwarf) tells me that's not a real thing. You can't just write like they did in the old days. I mean, you never hear about Shakespeare pouring mead at a local tavern to pay for parchment and quills. It seems like there is no other choice but to try and edge your way onto some corporate ladder and just hold on tight.

The thought of soon having a job has made watching the Apprentice a more terrifying experience. I know its television, I know its edited but everyone (including Alan Sugar and his advisers) seem like jerks. Everyone just walking around, keeping an eye on their colleague while they smooth down the creases in their polyester suits. Its exactly like being back at school, rules and codes of behaviour, except this time everybody is actually working their arses off and they listen to the the teacher.

Meh, we'll see.

OK. Not OK.

So for about 3 hours today I thought I might have it figured out. I was browsing graduate websites with one eye shut and an episode of 'The Office' taking up half the screen when I clicked on a link about copywriting in the advertising industry. 'Be creative' it said, 'cool' I said. It's all about the love of writing' it said, 'awesome' I said. So I filled in an application for a summer school, sent it off and went for a walk, a bounce in my step like I'd finally found a direction.

Then I came home and took a test to evaluate whether or not I was a 'diagonal thinker', a key attribute for a potential copywriter; 'linear+lateral' they said. So I spent the last hour or so answering questions about whether statements were true, or assumptions and why baker's shops were unsuccessful and waited for the results. I was nervous about the logic side of things, because I am not a logical person, I tend to make decisions based on whatever I think of first and regret it all later.

But then, a punch in guts, I scored high in linear thinking, I am logical, but I was average at creative thinking. Fuck. I always knew the one thing about myself, 'I am creative, I don't see the world like everybody else does' and according to the one standardized test that I invested in, I'm not. Well shit.

I know, its just one test and I was set on advertising for about 5 minutes. Still, the recommendation that I would be good at account management or HR depressed me intensely. It's not that these are bad occupations, far from it. It's just that my entire family tends to sit in this category, my sister works in HR, a couple of my cousins work in recruitment, my dad used to manage business accounts for BT (don't ask me what he does now, I don't understand it). I've always had it in mind that I'll be different, I'll do something worthwhile, something productive instead of some middle of the road job thats just that, a job.

Damn you diagonal thinking! What am I supposed to do now?

We'll see.